September 9, 2011 4 Comments
I lost it the other day, totally and utterly, flushing hot with reduced hearing and tunnel vision – lost it. Tra la la the Suzy has left the building. It happened in the Speedy Boarding Easy Jet line. Where else right? I’d done it all: paid the fee to check in a suitcase; decanted my shampoo into teenie tiny bottles; put those bottles in to a plastic bag; taken apart my bra to get at the wire that has the airport bouncers convinced I could detonate it.
I erroneously thought that by buying Speedy Boarding (more money spent), I can avoid the stampede. Well, not really because Easy Jet is totally twisted, so what they do is the leave the gate blank until 20 minutes before the flight takes off. Which means everyone pools in front of the monitor, necks craned waiting for the gate, standing of course because Schonefeld airport only has two seats. If you are even 5 minutes late in noticing the gate, it’s over, you have to queue again! This time in an airless hallway, shuffling slowly in what is now the third line. We are about the 10th in line, only because I blocked the stairwell as I was gingerly pushing Layla’s pram down step by step, with a whole plane load of people behind me groaning that I was going so slowly but never once offering to help. When a whole gaggle of over gelled, over accessorized Greek men looking like they are on their way to audition for a middle-aged boy band make their way into the Speedy Boarding queue. Seeing a woman traveling with a child they opt to:
a. Help with the buggy
b. Play with the child
c. Cut in front of them
Yup. C. They picked C. Silly fools that probably still live with their mother and drive tuned up Fiats but have Ferrari sunglasses. (Oh ya! I’m angry. Pick up on the venom?)“Tell me,” I asked sarcastically “is your Speedy Boarding somehow superior to mine? Allowing you to cut in front?” Dumb stares all round at what to do with the little woman with a pram who is antagonizing them. “What do you do when you see an old lady struggling to cross the street?” I continued. “Rob her?” Read more of this post